Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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