Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
