with your own penis?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My breasts were aching with rage.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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