Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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