Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
