I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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