marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
