ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
