I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
