How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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