You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
