a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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