Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
