No, you can still breathe under the balls.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
