how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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