I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
