That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
