If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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