looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
