I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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