I got her a Nickelback box set.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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