he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
