Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
