Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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