she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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