Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
