Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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