I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
