whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
