I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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