I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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