can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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