i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
