Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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