I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
