you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
