So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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