I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
