you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She's just so happy...and so naked.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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