if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
