Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
