On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
