whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
