Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
