No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
