They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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