So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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