Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
