You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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