also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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