it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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